Life on Tapp: My offspring think I couldn’t be anymore cringeworthy

I couldn’t be more cringeworthy even if I started wearing flannel trousers and sandals with socks. Photo: AdobeStock

When I became a dad nearly 15 years ago, I promised myself that I wouldn’t become one of those out of touch parents, the sort who embarrass their young simply by drawing breath.

Well I can exclusively reveal that I’ve done a Liz Truss and failed a key test very early on in the most important job I will ever do. I’m not even 50 and, in the eyes of my offspring, I couldn’t be more cringeworthy even if I started wearing flannel trousers and sandals with socks. Of course, I beg to differ and make an effort to keep up to date with new music and knowing what's the latest big thing on YouTube but then I'm accused of trying too hard.Like others of my vintage I take comfort from the fact that I did most of growing and partying in the 1990s – the decade that made the sixties look like a 10 year-long tea party. I tell any nipper who I suspect thinks that I'm past it that I went to the Hacienda twice and immediately take the hump when they ask me what that was.But it isn't my constant harking back to the halcyon days of my youth that exposes me as a dinosaur apparently – it's the fact that kids today don't understand most of the insults I use.If we are to believe researchers who took the time to delve into this crucial issue, half of twenty-somethings don't know whether a lummox is a mild form of abuse directed towards a daft, clumsy person or the latest sofa range from DFS. It seems that blighter and ninny – terms that I haven't heard since the days when Sid James was on the box every Saturday afternoon – are also in danger of completely disappearing from our collective vocabulary.These days young 'uns unkindly call anyone who has an opinion they disagree with a 'Karen', and anyone over 40 is a 'Boomer'. I regularly confuse my younger colleagues with my phrases and outdated cultural references. I was recently met with a blank look when I commented how a particularly talkative pal had more rabbit than Sainsbury's, which I realise is probably a bit rich coming from me.Language matters but it is also worth remembering that it evolves, meaning we need to do more to understand each other. Quite frankly, there are some phrases and insults – plonker and nitwit – which deserve to die out while others, such as toerag, should be allowed to live on forever.